Heading home for the holidays often stirs a mix of emotions. Whether reconnecting with family members you haven’t seen in a while or unexpectedly finding yourself in social situations with high school acquaintances, striking a balance between fostering healthy connections and recognizing when it’s time to disengage can be challenging.
In my interactions and relationships, I emphasize the equality of every individual. Recognizing that everyone has distinct lived experiences, varying perspectives on topics, diverse religious beliefs, and unique insights shaped by upbringing and available safe spaces for educational conversations is crucial. Despite differing views on life and people, fostering respectful discussions to better understand others’ viewpoints is a goal I strive for. While acknowledging the imperfect nature of the world and the occasional stubbornness of individuals, I believe in the importance of making an effort.
Navigating these conversations, especially around the holiday season, can be particularly challenging. Following Thanksgiving and with Christmas approaching, I’d like to share some tips and strategies I employ when engaging with people from my past in my evolved state.
My friend and former colleague, Dakota Maccoll, and I conducted a “Thanks But No Thanksgiving” workshop at the University of Oregon, focusing on revealing the true narrative of Thanksgiving. Drawing from this experience, I’ll delve into the distinctions between dialogue and debate, shedding light on effective conversation techniques.
A special acknowledgment goes to Maccoll for teaching me the terminology to articulate these concepts, and facilitating improved communication for those who, like me, sometimes find expressing emotions and thoughts challenging. I’ll discuss our collaborative efforts throughout 2020-2021, omitting the Thanksgiving connection.
Dialogue vs. Debate:
Dialogue:
- Collaboration toward a shared understanding.
- Genuine concern for the other person without seeking to offend or attack their beliefs.
- Seeking areas of agreement and strengths in the conversation.
- Identifying common goals.
- Embracing openness to being wrong and a willingness to change for mutual solutions.
Debate:
- Attempting to prove each other wrong.
- Prioritizing winning, regardless of correctness.
- Defending assumptions as absolute truth.
- Fostering a close-minded attitude.
- Assuming there is a single correct answer even for open-ended topics.
- Aiming for a conclusion.
Navigating Conversations:
Effectively managing emotions:
- Surrounding oneself with diverse perspectives for educational conversations.
- Communicating feelings in a non-judgmental manner.
- Recognizing when to remove oneself from a conversation based on its nature.
Planning:
- Reflecting on past conversations for best and worst-case scenarios.
- Identifying potential challenging topics and anticipating positive and negative reactions.
- Evaluating the stakeholders and the conversation’s worth.
- Acknowledging the importance of mental health and being willing to disengage when necessary.
Pro-Tip: Prioritize your mental health. If a situation feels unsafe or highly uncomfortable, don’t hesitate to leave. Your well-being is paramount, and others should understand and respect that.